Paltiel Goldstein

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Officially Sanctioned Biography

Paltiel Goldstein singlehandedly ruined the Internet in 1992. Al Gore will never be the same.

He invented case sensitivity in *NIX and once turned the North Pole into a mass of confectioner's sugar. He is a level boss in Rescue Rangers Extreme Triathalon Mayhem Get!, the absolute last cartridge produced for the Famicom before it stopped working and had that blinky light error all the time. Chip and Dale must avoid his razor-edged yarmulke and throw small red crates at him.

Paltiel is the author and main proponent of the Dale-as-an-Entity theory, which holds that Dale is about ten thousand years old, immortal and fairly omnipotent, and is just playing along.

He is the author of Isajii Paltiel, the most egregious avatar ever to damage the Rescue Rangers universe. Isajii's score on the Universal Mary Sue Litmus Test causes a buffer overrun. Isajii flies around a lot and eats nuclear waste. He has a bad habit of agreeing with Dale, thus causing even more mayhem.

Paltiel makes excellent sukiyaki, or more precisely, cooks excellent sukiyaki. He swears he was not the one who left that gravity well in the public restroom of the Burger King on State Route 18 in East Brunswick, New Jersey.